You Won't Lose Me
by Pseudonym P
Summary: He was right. She won't understand. / First fic in this fandom. Rated T for implied sex.


_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own anything with a copyright, nor do I make profit out of what I do._

_**Note:**__ I was cleaning up my files and I found this draft which was made back in July. Better late than never!_

* * *

**You Won't Lose Me**

* * *

When Beast Boy wasn't around to annoy her for breakfast, Raven knew in her gut that something was wrong.

She scanned the common area of the Tower. The only person there was the half-human, half-robot on the kitchen counter, working on one of his many contraptions. "Cyborg, have you seen Beast Boy?" Cyborg shrugged, too absorbed in his work to give her a verbal answer, but Raven didn't mind.

She turned on her heel and walked towards the west hall, estimating that her best guess on where he was would be his room.

She moved past several other rooms—she could hear Robin and Stafire's voice in one of the rooms she passed—before settling on one door to her right. She brought up her hand to knock and waited for a response.

It took a while, but she heard the soft rustle of sheets and the soft footsteps that padded across the floor, getting louder as they neared. The door opened halfway, and Raven found the green Titan in a shirt and boxers, his face sadly blank.

"Oh. Hey, Raven."

Raven wasted no time. "Can I come in?"

Beast Boy's eyes widened, before he sighed and opened the door wider. "Sure."

Raven gracefully slid into his unusually room, as he turned walked over to his windows. She waited patiently as he drew back the blinds, shedding the ten-o'clock sunlight into his room. Her eyebrows rose slightly.

"You've cleaned up."

His answer was slow in coming. "Yeah." It came out low and gravelly, as if his voice didn't have the energy.

He walked over to his bed and sat on the side facing away from the windows, the shadows of his face making him look gloomy. She stood by his door in silence.

"Maybe this isn't—"

"You should sit." She stopped and he looked up at her, and he could see how tired he was—his eyes were shadowed by circles, pointing out that he hadn't slept a wink.

She could feel the sadness radiating off of him, and she couldn't say a thing.

"Come on." He moved over closer to the end of the bed, giving her space between him and the headboard.

She hesitated, and he saw this. He gave her a small smile and gently patted the space next to him.

She moved to sit. He leaned forward, his arms on his thighs, and Raven watched his hair fall to his face. They were quiet.

It was too quiet—even by her standards—and she spoke to break the silence.

"Are you… okay?"

Beast Boy's laugh came out forced and dry. "Of, course I am. I'm Beast Boy."

"So, you're not?"

He didn't answer.

She moved her hand slowly and placed it on his shoulder. "You can tell me, you know." He shook his head.

"I don't want any of this empath stuff, Raven. Not now."

"Beast Boy," she almost begged, "Please." Beast Boy shrugged her hand away. "Beast—"

"Not now," He said again. She couldn't see his face, but she was sure he was stopping himself from getting angry. He didn't like it when people pushed things.

"…All right." She stood to leave his room, but his hand shot out to stop her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "It's not that I don't want you to know—"

Raven's mouth went before her brain. She had a tendency to do that a lot when she was around him. "I get it, Beast Boy, we didn't work out; I understand if you don't want to tell me—"

"That's not it!" He roared, standing up and grabbing her shoulder. He turned her to face him, surprisingly gentle despite his firm grip. "I don't give a damn if we didn't work out or not! That isn't the point!"

She let him continue his tirade without interruption. "This is about me, about _my _problems; you may be my ex-girlfriend, Raven, but you're still my _friend_." He paused, letting her go. "And you know how much my friends mean to me."

Raven pressed her lips together. "Yes. I do. And I'm sorry."

Beast Boy sighed. "So am I."

She walked away from him, the door opening as she did so. She heard him groan and the soft _thump_ and the creak of his bedsprings as he fell back on it.

"You'll talk to me, right?" She said in a small voice, half-hoping he didn't hear it. She heard the creaking of his bedsprings once more, and she saw his shadow move to sit up and look at her back. She didn't know how long she stood there.

"Yes." She heard. "Tonight. I promise."

She released a breath she didn't know she was holding.

* * *

Raven was on her bed, legs stretched out as she leaned against her headboard. She was reading one of the books from the Tower's library, when her door slid open. Her eyes didn't even glance up.

"Hi."

"Hello," she greeted, setting her book on her nightstand. She moved aside to give Beast Boy space. "You weren't at dinner." Beast Boy didn't come to dinner, and Cyborg remarked on how odd it was for him to miss dinner.

Raven had responded with, "He isn't feeling well," and added, "I checked on him this morning."

The rest of the team nodded in understanding, while Raven promised she'd bring him some food.

"I wasn't feeling well."

"I figured." She grabbed the plate with four slices of four cheese and tofu pizza, offering it to him. "Here." He gratefully accepted.

"Thanks, Rae." She paused, watching the small smile that formed on his face. "I haven't called you that in a while, have I?"

She bit her lip. "No," she breathed, "no, you haven't."

Beast Boy ate in silence while she tested her vision by reading the titles on the spines of the books on her shelf.

He ate slow this time, she observed. She noticed that he took the time to actually bite into his pizza _and_ chew it. She guessed he was feeling thoughtful.

Beast Boy finished his food and put the plate aside, and she waited for him to speak.

"Have you been… tuning into my emotions?" he asked, and she shook her head.

"No. I respected that you didn't want me to feel what you felt."

"I didn't—" Beast Boy sighed. "I don't _want_ anyone to feel what I feel. Especially you."

"Why not?"

Beast Boy cracked a half-smile and his eyes met hers. "I don't want anyone to feel what I feel right now. Especially you."

"Why not?"

Beast Boy's eyes met hers. "Because you'd get it, then you'd start to hurt—like me." His hand fished out something from his pants pocket. He handed it to her.

"What's this?" The paper in his hand was folded in half. It was wrinkly and tearing at the edges, but the way Beast Boy held it in his hands, it was as if it was precious and delicate. She treated it as such, too.

"Open it." She peeled apart the edges to see that it was a photo, and her heart dropped. In the photo was a tall, blond man, with blue eyes, and a woman with brown hair with the same color eyes. In between them was a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy, hanging from the man's arm, a giant smile on his face. It was taken in a forest—a jungle, perhaps.

The air shifted when a realization came to her.

This was Beast Boy, around four or five years old, with his parents.

Raven's heart dropped. "Oh my—" She felt tears clouding her vision. "I'm sorry, I—"

"I found it, while I was cleaning my room," he said softly, his hands slightly fidgeting. "And I realized that… that, it's been…" His voice cracked, "a while."

"Beast Boy, I—" He held her hand to silence her. She knew he did things like this when he wanted to keep talking, so she complied.

"Today is their death anniversary," he continued. "And I know they're somewhere, somewhere out there, watching over me, protecting me, _loving_ me… and I guess, I just… miss them. That's all."

Raven felt every bit of him, her mental ability to block out her emotions dissolving when he held her hand and she was hit by waves and waves of sadness radiating off of him and into her.

"I miss them, because I know… I've never had a family, Raven," he said, his voice oddly calm to her while her heart was in hysterics.

"But," she interjected, "what about the Doom Patrol?"

He cracked a sad half-smile. "I've never had a family, Raven. A family that _wanted _me. The Doom Patrol… they were my family, but they were people that kept me because I impressed them. I… I dunno, met their standards. And that's how I became part of their family. Rita and the rest, they were great but Steve… Steve, he was just…" He sighed. "He was too much."

"Overbearing father figure, huh?" she said lightly, "I know the feeling."

Beast Boy nudged her shoulder with his. "Look at you," he laughed, "Making jokes your new thing now?"

She smiled a bit, and felt his free hand move towards her cheek and wipe her tears away. "I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Don't cry on my account, Rae," he whispered, triggering the fall of the rest of her tears.

"How can I not?" she whispered back, harsher than she intended, and he tightens his hold on her hand.

"I didn't want _you_ to know, Rae," he replied after a moment of pause.

"Why not?" She pressed her lips together, realizing that it hurt more when she said it out loud. _You've never had a family. You don't know what it's like._

She already knew this answer.

"You don't know what it's like." She felt like her heart was free falling, plummeting down towards hell at sixty miles an hour; she felt how she did on her birthday, so many years ago, when Slade told her that Trigon would return, and she was terrified—so incredibly _terrified_; the same way she felt when she and Beast Boy broke up, scared and—

_Alone._

"You've… never even _had_ a family."

She wanted to die.

"I was lucky enough to have one." His hand on her cheek caressed her face. "I… damn it," he cursed, pulling his hand back. Raven stared.

Beast Boy took a breath. "Raven… I don't want this for you. I don't want you," he breathed, "I don't want you to feel this. I don't want your empathic powers to tune into this. Because it _hurts_, Rae. And you don't deserve to feel two kinds of pain."

She laughed at him, a sharp bark of laughter. Raven choked on her words when she wanted to say that she deserved _every piece of shit feeling this entire tower is capable of, Beast Boy, because I ruined us, I ruined you_—

But Beast Boy was faster, and she felt his lips on hers.

* * *

"Beast Boy." He heard. Her naked back was to him and he bent down to kiss her exposed shoulder, breathing her in. He tightened his arm's hold around her waist, and she gave a sigh of satisfaction as she cradled her head on the crook of his elbow.

"Rae," he whispered remorsefully, his mouth next to her ear, kissing the shell. "I'm… Oh, God, Rae, I—"

"I missed you," she murmured, kissing his arm. She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, placing a kiss on his collar. "I missed you." Her muffled voice sounded pained.

All Beast Boy could do was faultlessly murmur her name, a mantra that helped his miserable soul. He hugged her, pressing her naked body to his, feeling her flesh, her breath, the beat of her heart. "I love you." He kissed the side of her face and tucked her head under his chin. "I… need you, Rae. Please," he begged, "don't leave me again. You're all I have left.

"I… I don't—I _can't_ see you walk away again."

She choked, gripping his neck tighter. _Never._ "I won't. I won't walk away." She kissed the skin of his jaw in assent, knowing that he knew what she was promising. "You won't lose me.

"I promise."

* * *

_Ending was meh. Sorry. You tend to lose ideas after four months of letting something gather dust._


End file.
